Letting Go of “Shoulds”
Photo by Ebony Forsyth on Dupe
Scrolling through social media, it can sometimes feel like everyone else is somehow ahead of us. We see friends celebrating weddings, babies, new jobs, promotions, etc. We see their seemingly perfect lives and strive to have these idealized lives. We feel like we should have a certain job, a certain house, a certain family by a certain age. All of these things leave us feeling anxious, stressed, and disconnected from the present moment.
When we practice mindfulness, we don’t strive towards particular goals, but instead learn to spend time with ourselves as we are right now. We can break the cycle of stress and anxiety by having the courage to let go of what we think our life should look like.
How does mindfulness help us let go of “shoulds?”
Photo by Matteo Di Iorio on Unsplash
Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment. We work on observing our thoughts and feelings as they arise, without engaging with them or getting carried away by them. This allows us to become aware of our minds’ constant activity and all the stories we tell ourselves. Mindfulness helps us recognize the habitual thoughts and reactions we have. We then have the opportunity to pause and choose how to act going forward.
Meditation asks us to observe our thoughts and feelings as they arise, without getting carried away by them. It's not about emptying the mind, but rather about becoming aware of its constant activity. This awareness allows us to step back from the "shoulds" and see them for what they are: stories we tell ourselves, sometimes based more on external pressures rather than our own authentic desires.
But what about my goals?
Letting go of these “shoulds” doesn’t mean giving up on goals. By challenging our expectations, we are simply accepting where we are in the current moment, without judgment. We can acknowledge how we feel, both positive and negative, without trying to suppress our emotions.
When we practice mindfulness, we focus on the present moment. This means we shift our focus away from the future (anxieties about what will happen or what should be) and the past (our regrets or ruminations about things that have already happened).
By striving so hard to “reach happiness” and achieve our idealized goals, we may be preventing ourselves from seeing the richness our life already has and the opportunities for happiness that exist right in front of us. When we’re fully present, we can appreciate the joys and simple pleasures that life has to offer. We can connect with ourselves and others on a deeper level.
By withholding judgment, we also learn how to embrace imperfection, in ourselves and in the world around us. Life rarely goes to plan. It’s messy, unpredictable, and full of challenges. That’s ok.
Moving Forward
Now that we know that mindfulness is the solution, does this mean we’ll never feel this way again? Will we never again suffer the pain of feeling like we’re not living up to who we “should” be? Of course not. It’s an ongoing process. Life will have its ups and downs. However, by cultivating mindfulness, we can learn to “ride the wave” a little bit more smoothly. Through meditation, we can learn to find peace in the present moment.
If we learn how to release the idea of who we should be, we will find our way to living an authentic life where we’re truly ourselves. Isn’t that a wonderful thing?